Randy Dellosa

... enter this year of the dragon with bruce lee, kung fu, and gestalt therapy ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

2012-01-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

Christopher Marasigan giving me lessons on Kung Fu.

Oh, and by the way, he's not only a kung fu instructor, he's

also an art director, broadcast designer, creative digital artist,

motion designer, and photographer.

As we enter into the Chinese new year of the Dragon, I find it fitting to talk about Bruce Lee for three reasons.

First of all, the year of the Dragon reminds me of Enter the Dragon- the movie that turned Bruce Lee into the legend which he is today.

Secondly, I am an avid fan of mixed martial arts and look up to Bruce Lee for the passion and dedication he had in learning, developing, and teaching the martial art of kung fu.

And thirdly, as a psychotherapist trained in Gestalt therapy, I am thrilled by my recent disovery that Bruce Lee's philosophy in life was significantly influenced by his readings of books by Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Therapy.

An avid reader and philosophy major, Bruce Lee is said to have many psychological books in his library, spending many hour reading books including those on Gestalt Therapy.

In fact, in the book entitled Bruce Lee: Artist of Life, he made many handwritten notes on his reflections on Gestalt Therapy and Kung Fu.

Below are a sample of his handwritten notes (capitalizations are his):

Bruce Lee on Gestalt Therapy:

@ Gestalt therapy is the first existential philosophy that stands on its own feet. Gestalt therapy tries to be in harmony, in alignment, with everything else, with medicine, with science, with the universe, with what is.

@ NOW = EXPERIENCE = AWARENESS = REALITY

@ An organism works as a whole. We are not a summation of part, but a very subtle coordination of all these different bits that go into the making of the organism- we HAVE not a liver or a heart. We ARE liver and heart and brain and so on.

@ Once you have a character, you have developed a rigid [personality] SYSTEM. Your behavior becomes petrified, predictable, and you lose your ability to cope freely with the world with all your resources. You are predetermined just to cope with events in one way, namely, as your character prescribes. So it seems a paradox when I say that the richest person , the most productive, creative person, is a person who has NO CHARACTER. In our society, we DEMAND that a person have a character, and especially a "good" character, because then he is predictable, and he can be pigeonholed, and so on.

@ MANY PEOPLE DEDICATE THEIR LIVES TO ACTUALIZING A CONCEPT OF WHAT THEY SHOULD BE LIKE, RATHER THAN ACTUALIZING THEMSELVES. The difference between SELF-ACTUALIZING and SELF-IMAGE ACTUALIZING is very important. Most people only live for their image.

@ We are infantile because we are afraid to take responsibility in the now. To take our place in history, to be mature, means giving up the concept that we have parents, that we have to be submissive or defiant, or the other variations on the child's role that we play. MATURATION IS THE DEVELOPMENT FROM ENVIRONMENTAL SUPPORT TO SELF-SUPPORT.

@ The basic phobic attitude is to be afraid of what you are.

Bruce Lee on Gung Fu:

@ Gung Fu is so extraordinary because it is nothing at all special. It is simply the direct expression of one's feeling with the minimum of lines and energy. Every movement is being so of itself without the artificiality with which we tend to complicate it with. The closer to the true Way of gung fu, the less wastage of expression there is.

@ Being wise in gung fu does not mean adding more but being able to remove sophistication and ornamentation and be simply simple...

As we enter this year of the Water Dragon, may Bruce Lee's teaching on "water" inspire you to live as passionately as he did: "Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

... art therapy in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, manila, quezon city)

2012-01-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

Life Change Recovery Center recently held an art exhibit at the SSS Museum and Library. Entitled "Mindscapes," it proudly showcased the art works of our psychiatric inpatients who, despite having schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, major depression, addiction, and other psychiatric disorders, were able to produce masterpieces. Guests of honor included master fiddler John Lesaca, daughter of National Artist Fernando Amorsolo- Sylvia Amorsolo-Lazo, and master healer Dr. Tom Kurz.

I was tasked by Ms. Agnes Agbayani, Executive Director of Life Change, to give a brief talk on Art and Emotional Healing. I shared to the audience that it was in college, as a psychology student in U.P., that I first learned of art's potential to heal. It was back then when I learned how to administer the Draw-A-Person Test and I observed that some people would spontaneously cry when I asked them to describe their drawings. Later on in life, I did a lot of art therapy for myself and produced a lot of what I call "healing images" or "prayers in pictures." And despite the passage of time, I discover that they still have a healing effect on me until now. As a student of hypnotherapy in my post-graduate studies, I also learned that our mind thinks, not in terms of words, but in terms of pictures. In fact, part of the creative challenge in doing hypnotherapy is coming up with appropriate healing images for the client.

I hope you enjoy these pictures. They are a testament to the creative genius that remains vibrant despite psychiatric affliction.

... filipino traditional medicine in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

Here is the fun group which Dr. Jimmy Galvez Tan, prime advocate of Traditional and Integrative Medicine in the Philippines, sent today: Drs. Kat Aligam,Therese Almeda, JB Baltazar, Pula Asunto, Joram Alote, Karen Abalo, Ace Alfabeto, and Rona Abad.

oh, and by the way, thanks Joram ... for being kind

enough to absorb the group's energies (joke!)

... Lieutenant General Jessie D. Dellosa, New AFP Chief of Staff ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2012-01-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

Lieutenant General Jessie D. Dellosa,

New AFP Chief of Staff

ManilaBulletin Editorial (excerpts)

December 14, 2011, 10:41pm

"... a soldier of peace, righting the wrongs ..."

MANILA, Philippines — Lieutenant General Jessie D. Dellosa assumedhis new post as the 43rd Chief of Staff of the Armed Forces of the Philippines(AFP). General Dellosa was the third to be appointed AFP Chief of Staff by theAquino administration.

"We shall focus on four themes: first, territorial defense; second, the AFP internal peace and security plan; third, disaster preparedness; and fourth, the ongoing organizational reforms."

Born in Bacon, Sorsogon, on January 20, 1957, Dellosa grew up inLucena City. He graduated from the PMA with the “Matapat” Class of 1979. Aftergraduation from the PMA, Dellosa was assigned in Jolo, Sulu, where he earnedthe Outstanding Achievement Award for Military Operations awarded by the PMAAlumni Association in 1988. A decoratedArmy Scout Ranger officer, he also received the Distinguished Service Star, twoWounded Personnel Medals, two Gold Cross Medals, 39 Military Merit Medals, sixBronze Cross Medals, Long Service Medal, Marksmanship Badge Expert, andOutstanding Achievement Medal.

"We declare an "all-out war" against graft and corruption.

In doing so, we shall have the moral ascendancy worthy to be called soldiers of our people."

Described by his peers as a “soldier of peace,” with a reputationfor “righting the wrongs,” General Dellosa is expected to continue the programsinitiated by his predecessor, General Oban, such as fiscal and logisticreforms, peace, modernization, morale and welfare.

at the white house, camp aguinaldo

We congratulate Lieutenant General Jessie Dellosa on his appointmentas the 43rd Armed Forces of the Philippines Chief of Staff. We wish him all thebest and success in all his endeavors.

MABUHAY!

behind the desk of the Chief of Staff of the Armed Forces of the Philippines!

... Gestalt Therapy in the Philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-15T00:16:00.000-08:00

An Introduction to Gestalt Therapy

Based on Yontef, G. & Jacobs, J. (2011). Gestalt Therapy.

In Corsini, R., and Wedding, D. (Eds.). Current Psychotherapies, 9th Edition, Chapter 10. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole-Thompson Learning. pp 342-379.

What is Gestalt Therapy?

Gestalt therapy is a humanistic, existential, experiential, contextual, and process-oriented approach to psychotherapy. It was developed by Frederick “Fritz” Perls, Laura Perls, and Paul Goodman in the 1940’s and 1950’s.

Initially, Gestalt therapy was meant to be a revision of psychoanalysis and an alternative to behaviourism. Over time, it evolved into a totally independent and integrated system of psychotherapy.

Gestalt therapy is truly holistic since it deals with the cognitive, emotional, sensory, interpersonal, and behavioural aspects of an individual’s personality.

Generally, people don’t need psychotherapy because they are able to learn and grow from their experiences in life. It is when people are stuck in repetitive, maladaptive ways that psychotherapy is needed. Psychotherapy is primarily a relationship between a client and therapist.

The Gestalt therapist creates a healing experience by being open, alive, honest, sincere, and warm as he engages with the client. In this relationship, the Gestalt therapist gives clients a chance to unlearn maladaptive patterns, to learn how they avoid learning new and creative ways of coping, and to learn how they can keep on learning.

The Gestalt therapist is one who gets actively, creatively, and personally engaged with the client. By using active and creative methods, the Gestalt therapist facilitates in the client a deeper awareness of oneself and of one’s life. With deeper awareness comes the greater freedom and power of choice, resulting in more opportunities for living a self-directed and meaningful life.

Gestalt therapy does not focus on “fixing” people or on curing disease. Gestalt therapy is an exploration rather than a direct attempt to change behavior. The goal of Gestalt therapy is growth and autonomy through conscious awareness and self-support.

What are the foundational bases of the Gestalt therapy?

Holism emphasizes the positive qualities of human beings: firstly, that people are growth-oriented and are inclined to develop as fully as their environmental conditions will allow; and secondly, that people have the inherent capacity at self-regulation. They have the capacity to prioritize their needs hierarchically and then meet those needs which are most urgent.

Field Theory asserts that an individual can only be understood from the context (or field) within which that individual is currently situated and embedded.

An individual is embedded in his environmental field. Hence, the individual never has a “solitary self,” but always a “self-in-relation” to his environment. And since the environmental field is inhabited by other human beings, individuals are better understood by observing the quality and patterns of how they interact and relate to each other.

According to Gestalt therapy’s Field Theory, no one can have a totally objective perspective of reality. An individual’s perception of reality is never absolute since his perceptions are constantly being affected and influenced by elements in the environmental field.

Gestalt Psychology explains that individuals will interpret their experiences to makes it sensical, meaningful, or relevant for themselves.

“Gestalt formation” refers to the emergence of a figure (i.e., whatever our attention focuses on) contrasted against a ground (i.e., everything else that gets set aside into the background). Only one clear figure can be focused on at any given moment. However, figures and grounds may shift very rapidly.

What is the Paradoxical Theory of Change?

This theory asserts that the more one tries to become someone he is not, the more fragmented his personality becomes and the more he stays the same.

What are 3 concepts emphasized in Gestalt therapy?

Contact is the maintenance of attention and connection with an experience, whether it be a mental, emotional, or physical experience. It is “being in touch” or “staying with” the experience rather than ignoring, belittling, suppressing, or denying it.

“Contact” is what the Gestalt therapist does by paying close attention to what the client is experiencing or doing in the session and to what is happening in the therapist-client relationship.

Awareness is a process of focusing on and attending to a current experience.

Unawareness occurs when an individual purposefully, unintentionally, regularly, or permanently sets aside some aspect of his experience to the background. Unawareness generally reflects an internal conflict within the individual. The Gestalt therapist’s task is to observe the client’s awareness process, even helping the client become aware of his “unawareness.”

“Awareness of awareness” is also known as “conscious awareness.” It is being mindful or observant of one's own awareness processes and patterns.

Experimentation is the act of doing something different. In a session, both therapist and client can creatively experiment with different ways of thinking and doing. In the process of doing experiments, repressed emotions may surface, suppressed feelings may find fuller expression, and insights commonly emerge.

Experimentation is done in accordance with the Paradoxical Theory of Change: the purpose of experimentation is not to change the client, but to help the client gain increased self-awareness, deeper self-understanding, and stable self-support.

What are some of the other concepts and principles of Gestalt therapy?

Disturbances at the Boundary

Healthy boundaries allow people to maintain individuality despite the contact and connection with others. Healthy boundaries allow people to acknowledge and respect each other’s differences. Disturbances at the boundary will result in any of the following:

@ Isolation is the failure to allow close contact to occur.

@ Confluence is an enmeshment resulting in the loss of a separate identity.

@ Introjection is acceptance without discrimination or awareness.

@ Assimilation is the deconstruction of an experience, keeping what is meaningful or useful to oneself and rejecting what is not.

@ Projection is falsely attributing to another person something that actually comes from oneself.

@ Retroflection is turning a shared experience into a solitary one.

Creative Adjustment

Gestalt therapists believe that people are growth-oriented and will create solutions to their problems in the best way they can or know how.

Creative adjustment is the process of solving a problem by making full use of one’s resources, by making full use of resources from the environment, by making modifications in the environment, and by adjusting to that which cannot be changed in the environment.

Neurotic Self-Regulation

Neurotic self-regulation is the result of a creative adjustment done in the past that has become an outmoded repetitive character pattern.

The Gestalt therapist helps the client develop new and flexible creative adjustments in response to the client’s current field conditions.

Polarities

The healthy individual is able to adjust creatively to the polar themes of life: comfort and hardships, strength and weakness, love and hate, life and death. In neurotic self-regulation however, the individual is unable to adjust to such polar themes.

The Gestalt therapist may use integrating techniques to join positive and negative poles of a polarity together.

Resistance

Resistance occurs when an individual opposes a thought, feeling, impulse, or need (stemming from oneself or from another person) in a context wherein the individual feels unsafe.

Anxiety

Anxiety can be created cognitively with irrational beliefs, negative misinterpretations, or from “futurizing,” that is, making ominous predictions. Anxiety can also be created physiologically through poor breathing habits.

Gestalt therapists are more concerned with the process of anxiety (i.e., how one becomes anxious) rather than the content of anxiety (i.e., what one is anxious about). Gestalt therapy is ideal for the treatment of anxiety because it has a cognitive and body-oriented focus.

Impasse

An impasse is a paralysis resulting from not wanting to return to a previous state, yet not being able to move forward to a new one. This paralysis happens because the individual does not possess enough support (both self support and environmental support) to move forward.

People often describe this experience as a darkness, an emptiness, or being caught in a whirlpool. By “staying with” the impasse rather than setting it aside, people paradoxically cross over to a more authentic, creative, lively, self-supportive, and meaningful existence.

Here and Now; What and How

The Gestalt therapist has a dual focus during a session. The first focus is on the patient’s awareness process- what the patient does and how he or she is doing it. The second focus is on the personal relationship between therapist and client.

Of all other types of therapy, it is Gestalt therapy which strongly emphasizes the “here and now” and “what and how.” This is essential because most people either live in the past, live as if they had no past, or live in fear of the future.

The primary focus of Gestalt therapy is the “here and now” experience. Even in exploring the past, Gestalt therapy uses creative experiments and techniques to transform the client’s past into a present experience.

Inclusion

“Inclusion,” according to Martin Buber, refers to the process of deeply feeling another person’s experience as if it were his own. The Gestalt therapist considers the client’s perception of reality as real and valid as anyone else’s and immerses into the client’s experience as deeply as possible.

By responding to the client’s perception of reality with empathy, honesty, compassion, and respect, the Gestalt therapist creates a venue wherein the client’s innermost thoughts and emotions can safely surface and be expressed.

Dialogue and Self-Disclosure

The Gestalt therapy relationship is based on dialogue- the verbal interaction between two individuals on a horizontal plane. With the client, the Gestalt therapist surrenders to the interaction and is open to be changed by what transpires in the session.

Occasionally and as appropriately called for, the Gestalt therapist will disclose his personal experiences and reactions, making the dialogue between therapist and client a mutual phenomenological exploration.

What are some techniques used in Gestalt therapy?

Gestalt therapy discourages a cookbook style of applying experiments or techniques on clients. The choice and application of interventions must be tailored to the client’s unique needs. During the session, the Gestalt therapist creatively comes up with interventions (also called “experiments”) that aim to deepen awareness. Some of these Gestalt therapy techniques include the following:

Focusing

The Gestalt therapist’s standard question is, “What are you aware of, or experiencing, at this very moment?” The client is then invited to “stay with” the thought, feeling, or body sensation experienced during that moment in the session.

Enactment

Enactment is done by asking the client to put feelings or thoughts into action. The client may also be asked to exaggerate whatever action the client does.

Enactment may also come in the form of creative expression through art, poetry, dance, or vocalization.

Guided Visualization

The Gestalt therapist can invite the client to engage in mental experiments such as guided imagery exercises or by making the client imagine that a past situation is happening at the present moment.

Guided visualizations and fantasy-based interventions have a “loosening” effect on people with rigid mindsets.

Body Awareness

Gestalt therapy has a special interest in the client’s movements, physical sensations, and breathing patterns. At times, the therapist may ask the client to locate the area where feelings reside (or are intensely felt) in the body.

What do research studies say about Gestalt therapy?

Uwe Strumpfel (2006) conducted a meta-analysis of 74 published research studies on psychotherapy and confirmed the following findings:

@ Gestalt therapy was effective in a variety of clinical problems such as psychotic disorders, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, psychosomatic disorders, substance dependence, personality disorders.

@ Gestalt therapy produced stable long-term effects.

@ Clients who underwent Gestalt therapy evaluated it as very helpful.

@ Clients showed marked improvement in their main symptoms, personality dysfunction, self-concept, and interpersonal relationships.

... Gestalt Therapy in the Philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-15T00:13:00.000-08:00

Gestalt Therapy in the Light of Different Cultures

My mentors in Gestalt Therapy:

Gerald Kogan, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist/ psychotherapist and a Gestalt therapist with more than 45 years of clinical, educational, community, and organizational experience. Among his teachers were Fritz and Laura Perls, Virginia Satir, and Carl Rogers. With his wife Wiltrud, he is a co-founder and co-director of Gestalt Education Network International (GENI). He also co-founded the German Association of Gestalt Therapy and the European Association of Counseling. He has been a teacher of psychotherapy in the USA, Europe, and Asia. His writings include articles and bibliographic research in Gestalt Therapy and and the books Your Body Works and God in a Red Machine.

Wiltrud Krauss-Kogan, Dipl.Paed,. HP is a licensed psychotherapist and Gestalt therapist in private practice. She has been a teacher of Gestalt Therapy in Europe and the USA for 3 decades. In addition to working with individuals, couples and groups, her background includes experience with children, abused adolescents, people wiht addictive problems, and individuals with life-threatening illnesses and trauma. She has been trained in Gestalt Therapy, Gestalt Body Process, Family Therapy, and Psychodynamic Therapy in the USA and Europe and is a student of various healing practices. She is a co-founder and co-director of GENI and a co-founder of the German Association of Gestalt Therapy.

My training under the Gestalt Education Network International:

2001: Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain

the gestalt gang's all here

gestalt therapy training in the garden

at a restaurant

at the town fiesta

at the mountain top, overlooking a sea of clouds

at the mountain top, with the sea of clouds behind and below me

too cold to swim in the atlantic ocean

friends

2002: Dordogne, France


2004: Trivandrum, Kerala, India

visited a small remote indian island

surprised to meet an indian boy (on my left) wearing a boracay shirt

sleeping at the top bunk bed on a train

with a an indian holy man

with some cultural dancers

at newly-opened hotel with E.D. Joseph's wonderful family

a boat ride down the river in the sweltering noontime heat

gestalt therapy training under coconut trees

closing the gestalt with a group pic

2005: Sidemen, Karangasem, Bali, Indonesia

when in bali, dress up as the balinese do

fun time with kids at the market

at a mountaintop temple

the big lizard on the wall of my room creeping me out

the view outside my bedroom window

the hut i stayed in

a local shaman who told me exactly what I was sick of

gestalt group's visit to a balinese holy man

with the balinese holy man

the holy man's blessing: rice on the forehead, and leaves on the head and ears

2007: Schondorf, Germany (under the Institut fur Integrative Gestalttherapie Wurzburg)

2007: Brisbane, Australia ( under the Brisbane Gestalt Institute)

... here's another reason to come to the Philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-14T07:53:00.001-08:00

(photo courtesy of Drey Yerd)

... relationship counseling: exploring infidelity, why couples cheat ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2012-01-13T01:30:00.001-08:00

Exploring Infidelity: Why Couples Cheat (excerpts)

by Gregory Bren Garcia

Smart Parenting/ mom & dad

with author greg bren garcia

When couples first get into a relationship, the whole thing would usually feel like a match made in heaven—something like the Carpenters’ song wherein birds suddenly appear, stars fall down from the sky, and all that other jazz. However, when the passion of the relationship finally fades away, the infatuation also often peters out along with it.

Unfortunately, when the infatuation period is over, some people begin seeking emotional fulfillment or sexual gratification from people other than their partners. As a matter of fact, according to psychiatrist and life coach Randy Dellosa, infidelity is one of the three most common relationship problems that couples experience, the other two being constant quarrelling and lack of intimacy.

So what is the reason why people in committed relationships cheat? And is “happily ever after” really too much to ask for?

Causes of infidelity

The first easy answer to the question of infidelity is lust. After all, people are sexual beings who are biologically wired to reproduce in order to ensure the survival of the species. “This I always repeat: if not for religious beliefs and laws, people are basically still like animals,” says Randy. “We have a polygamous nature because biologically, we need to reproduce and procreate for our species. It is just our laws and our capacity to decide that prevents us from doing things on the streets.”

But of course, more than the genetic underpinnings, infidelity also has its roots in a number of emotional, psychological, and even cultural reasons. For instance, infidelity could stem from already existing problems being experienced by a couple. Randy says that although cheating, constant quarrelling, and lack of intimacy are problems that can sometimes exist independently, they are often interrelated. These problems often come to a head because couples choose to sweep them under the rug instead of addressing them. As a result, they fester and become breeding grounds for related conflicts to arise.

“Infidelity could be a substitute for getting one’s sexual and emotional needs met when the partner is unwilling or deficient. A cheating man, for example, would cheat on his spouse because he saw in his mistress some qualities that the wife does not have,” he says. “Sometimes, the partner would even wonder ‘why did he choose her?’ or ‘why did he have an affair with someone from a lower social status?’ However, it’s not that simple. As long as that other person is able to meet the cheating partner’s unmet needs, that person can become a substitute,” he explains.

“Another reason is that some men grew up with parents who have had extramarital affairs in the past, which gives an unspoken permission for these men to do the same,” she adds. Randy is of the same mind, although he believes that the pattern is applicable to both men and women. He explains that people who grow up with parents who are unfaithful to each other sometimes become so acclimatized to the problem that it becomes normal to them.

“If they grow up with a father or a mother who fooled around, then that sort of pattern becomes so normalized in them such that they imitate their parents’ behaviors when they grow up. They begin to think that it is how relationships should be,” he says.

Relativity of infidelity

Some behaviors are universally considered as acts of infidelity. For instance, if someone who is already spoken for engages in a sexual relationship with another person or kisses that other person intimately, then the former is almost always seen as cheating on his or her partner. But is it really that easy?

Most of the time, Randy says, a behavior is considered infidelity only if mutually agreed-upon covenants between partners are violated. “It really depends on the definition of the partners. For instance, some couples who are in committed relationships agree to swing or to partner swap—they engage in sexual activities with other couples. So, one can say that if that’s the agreement, then it’s not infidelity. Of course other people might see it differently and say that those couples are actually committing mutual infidelity,” he says.

But is there a way to prevent unfaithfulness before it happens? Randy says there is.
“Infidelity is best prevented by sticking to a vow of faithfulness and by a commitment to flee from temptation. This vow and commitment should be made once the relationship is formalized. Partners have to realize and constantly remember that a formal relationship curtails one’s freedom to fool around and to play around,” he says.

Dealing with infidelity

One might want to ask, “is my partner cheating on me?” Most people who have experienced the problem will say that to be able to detect infidelity, one should be aware of changes in their partners’ behavioral patterns. Possible red flags would include hiding the cell phone, going home late, and other things that are out of the ordinary.

But what happens next if you catch your partner cheating on you? Do you wallow in self pity or do you dust yourself off and continue living? Of course there are those people who would be fine on their own or would be able to deal with the problem by getting emotional support from their friends and family. However, if a person slips into prolonged depression or starts engaging in self-destructive behavior, then that person needs to get some professional help.

Of course, the aggrieved partners almost always bear the greater brunt of infidelity. Randy believes that the best thing to do for those who were cheated upon is to move on.

“There’s never any assurance or certainty that the spouse will really be faithful. It’s better to just focus on finding yourself with or without your partner. This way, your happiness will not be dependent on that person, and you’ll be able to move on,” he says.

... objectophilia, objectum sexuality, object sexuality ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-13T01:16:00.000-08:00

lj javier of untv's istorya interviewed me on the topic of objectum sexuality, also known as objectophilia. objectophilia refers to an intimate relationship between a person and inanimate object. the person with objectophilia is known as the objectophile or objectum-sexual.

in objectophilia, the "love object" is personified and is therefore treated like a human being. and as in any intimate relationship, the objectophile is likely to engage in sex with the "love object" or even get married to it. for instance, in 2007, erika laBrie married the eiffel tower, and now goes by her married name "erika eiffel."

in my clinical practice, i 've met only a few objectophiles. one objectophile i met is a mechano-sexual, having an intimate relationship with his typewriter which, he says, is very responsive to his touch. "i know her very well. if i press her buttons the right way, she'll send me a message of love."

objectum sexuality or objectophilia is being touted as the new sexual orientation. we've heard of the third sex, and now we have a fourth one! hmm, just makes me wonder what the 5th one will be?

... korina sanchez-roxas, raffy tan, hazel chua, pinoy biggest loser, and the psychology of weight loss ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2012-01-13T01:08:00.001-08:00

on korina sanchez's dzmm radio show, it was good to have a reunion with pinoy biggest losers hazel chua and raffy tan. it was even better to know that they're still maintaining their exercise and diet program that keeps them physically fit and looking good.

one of my clients shared with me her secret for keeping slim- after jumping out of bed every morning and before plopping into bed at night, she dances wildly, like a ferocious raving lunatic on the loose, to william hung's rendition of ricky martin's "she bangs!"

well, you can tell i'm getting a bit thick in the middle. i guess i'll definitely need to do a lot of "ferocious banging" with william hung in the next couple of weeks!

... grief counseling and psycho-trauma therapy... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapy, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2012-01-12T22:09:00.000-08:00

Janelle and the silver lining

By gvillena | Say Cheese! – Wed, Nov 30, 2011

The battle is not yet over for Janelle Manahan, just because she has checked out of Asian Hospital recently. She still has to grapple with two forces: external and internal.

The external one — consisting of police investigations and media interviews over the murder of her boyfriend Ram Revilla — is something she has little control over. It's the internal one, which requires her to exorcise her personal demons, that she has full control over.

And this is where Janelle needs no ordinary kind of help.

She's off to a good start. Janelle has her parents and phalanx of friends to see her through the night. She can tell them what's bugging her anytime she feels like it.

As psychologist Randy Dellosa says, "Janelle needs to surround herself with friends and loved ones who can provide her emotional support. She will need to express her feelings instead of bottling them up inside."

It also helps that she tells everyone she misses Ram and recalls her fond memories of him. It's part of the healing process.

"Later on," Dellosa suggests, "she might want to create her own personal ceremony or ritual to celebrate the life they shared together."

But human help can only do so much. Dellosa observes that "victims of trauma often struggle with questions about the meaning of life, the goodness of God, and the evil which humans are capable of doing."

Thus, he thinks Janelle needs a spiritual adviser to make sense of everything that's happening to her.

On top of that, Dellosa advises not just an ordinary psychologist or psychiatrist for Janelle, but a specialist in grief therapy and psycho-trauma therapy.

"Because of the gravity of her experience, Janelle is at the risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder, major depression or anxiety disorder," Dellosa explains.

He is afraid she will go through "grief spasms, or occasional attacks of intense sadness and emotional pain." After all, Ram's was no ordinary death. She saw him die in a most gruesome way right before her very eyes.

Because of this, Dellosa is afraid Janelle's grief can persist — even for a lifetime.

Another hurdle victims of frustrated murder like Janelle might go through is "survivor guilt," which Dellosa says could stem from the fact that she's alive and Ram is not.

So how could Janelle heal from emotional scars that threaten to maim her for good?

"Janelle can use media to her advantage not only in telling her side of the story, but in inspiring people to be strong amidst the hardships they may be experiencing," states Dellosa. "Through media, Janelle can support an advocacy for helping other survivors of heinous crimes."

The other silver lining concerns her career.

The best actors are not those who live sheltered lives, but battle-scarred warriors who have learned how to fight and conquer their personal demons.

The good news is Janelle can turn things in her favor by digging deep into her emotions and using them to make her a young actress of incredible depth.

"The experience can hopefully transform Janelle into a serious, sensitive and credible actress," says Dellosa.

Yes, Janelle's story is far from over. Let's wait and see if she will turn it into a story of triumph or one of continued pain.

... growth group activity: the evil eye in the sky ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2012-01-12T21:41:00.000-08:00

friends from the u.p. college of medicine- jonas bico, marge bocaya, franco catangui, rona abad, marvyn chan, and bon buno, dropped by for a sharing session.

marge shared a story about receiving some message of doom as she was watching tv. and just to make sure that it nothing ominous was going to happen, she checked by looking out her window. on ground level, there was nothing extra-ordinary but when she looked up, her attention was caught by an array of colors splashed in the sky. to her surprise, she saw an image of an eye in the midst of the colors. hmmm...

the rest of the guys talked about themselves:

marvyn: i'm the type of person who just rides the waves and goes with the flow.

rona: as a doctor, i'm like a bringer of bad news when i tell patients about their diagnosis.

bon: people perceive me as a conventional type of person. they haven't met the adventurous and wild side to my personality.

franco: i catch people's attention because i have a identical twin brother who is my exact opposite in character.

well, they didn't only share with me their stories, three of them were sick of the common cold and they were nice enough to share that with me, too! (joke)

... allison brooks on health coaching and all its benefits ...

2011-12-05T19:57:00.001-08:00

Health Coaching and all Its Benefits
by Allison Brooks

Health coaching operates on the belief that thepatient already possesses the subconscious information necessary to reachdesired goals and make vital decisions. However, a health coach providesaccountability by assisting the individual being coached to adhere to a plan,regardless of whether the plan involves meditation, exercise, lifestylechanges, or simply having more fun. Health coaches can also form plans forserious issues, like an unfavorable cancer prognosis, to help people cope with the anxiety of living with a disease,enable quicker recovery from surgery, and reduce the side effects associatedwith traditional treatments.

To spur a new beginning, a health coach asks questions that fuel theself-discovery necessary to find solutions. Life-changing energy, laughter,healing and love comes with this inner knowledge, resulting in the clientbecoming more resourceful, effective and pleased with his/her day-to-day lifewhile discovering solutions to its obstacles. In addition, expert advice canalso be sought if this is necessary.

The initial coaching session focuses on goals and listing them in a positiveway. For instance, an individual who desires a relaxed and pain-free existencemight say something similar to:
"I wake up every morning feeling energetic,relaxed and well able to pursue my dreams,” rather than simply saying he or shehopes to have a day free of rib pain. The statement may be similar to thefollowing: “I am able to take deep breaths of air which will nourish my bodywith oxygen and I feel more relaxed and comfortable with every breath Itake." The key to creating the outcome one desires is throughvisualization. In addition, trained coaches may integrate energy techniques,such as Matrix Energetics or Reiki into each therapysession.

Many health coaches practice energy healing techniques to balance the body andspirit, to make one more open to change. They assist patients in identifying“energy zappers” and help them to find avenues through which more energy andpleasure can be added to their lives. Whether therapy is pursued over thetelephone or face to face, a coach guides a patient through challenges anduncertainties, which allows the client to create and execute an action planthat can result in improvements in his or her personal life.

Since health coaching falls under the “life coaching” umbrella, some of the topics discussed are intertwined. Lifecoaching is a broader area of individual well-being and achievement expertise.Life coaches come from all types of experiences and backgrounds, which help them,assist their clients to manage relationships and navigate through difficulttransitions.

No matter what, a life or health coach is a greatway to help manage personal and wellness goals. They are your support systemand are knowledgeable on many fronts of well-being improvement. Fromalternative to integrative medicines, wellness coaches understand you and yourbody and know the best way to tackle an issue.

... a picture gallery of the life coach certification program of the philippine society of life coaches ... (counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2011-11-21T21:06:00.001-08:00

a picture gallery:

the life coach certification program

the philippine society of life coaches.

... growth group activity: gumuho ang aking mundo habang namimili sa divisoria ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2011-11-21T19:46:00.001-08:00

when we least expect, our world sometimes just crumbles down on us, leaving us confused, disillusioned, angry, sad, or afraid.

we may get emotionally knocked out for a while, but when we start coming to our senses, what else can we do but to slowly pick ourselves up, shake the dust off ourselves, take our shaky first steps, and get moving again.

a world that's crumbled down only offers us the opportunity to create a new one- a world that's hopefully better, more joyful, and more meaningful.

here are friends from universidad de manila:

kc santos, wats watanabe, berlin perales, marielle paraiso, and charmaine bilan.

... growth group activity: malaking ahas na nilulon ng arowana sa aquarium ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2011-11-21T19:01:00.001-08:00

student doctors from the u.p. college of medicine visited my place to get a taste of gestalt psychotherapy.

we did an activity which generated a number of issues:

> we need to step up to the challenges of life. -(tonicci/ jayson)

> we need to ask for help when we feel afraid and helpless. -(julie)

> we may be harboring a seething anger within that seeks to destroy. -(nico)

> despite feeling small and vulnerable, we need to have a confidence that we can overcome the hurdles of life. -(patrick)

well, to cap off our meeting, we (Jayson Panganiban, Patrick See, Tonicci Paulino, and Julie Reyes) did some tuning fork therapy on Nico Rogelio to revitalize him after playing a very convincing portrayal of an angry slithering snake in our gestalt activity.

we all wondered how he ever learned to play that part so well! :D

... the weirdest therapies ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2011-11-21T09:48:00.001-08:00


“Ang Pinaka…” hosted by Rovilson Fernandez is an infotainment program of GMA News TV 11, a sister TV station of GMA Network, Inc. It lists down the Top 10 of all things Filipinos want and need to know about.


I was interviewed on 10 of the weirdest health therapies listed below.  Personally though, I didn't find the list of therapies weird enough.

10. Ho’oponopono:  a Hawaiian form of conflict management.


9. Urine Therapy:  the golden liquid is considered curative in many parts of the world.  Famed singer Madonna, MMA fighter Lyoto Machida, Boxer Juan Manuel Marquez, and author J.D. Salinger all swear by it!


8. Ear Candling:  entails lighting up one end of a candle and placing the other end in to your ear.  Most of the leading health organizations strongly dissuade people from trying this therapy.


7. Rebirthing Breathwork:  this I do in my clinic!  Through the use of "connected breathing," to resolve the trauma of birth.

6. Beer Spa:  In some spas, you can have your bath and drink it, too!


5. Psychic Surgery: only in the Philippines! (and also in Brazil.)

4. Virtual Dolphin Therapy:  experience deep relaxation by watching dolphins frolick in deep sea.


3. Bee Sting Therapy: bee venom has anti-inflammatory properties that can be used in illnesses.

2. Past Life Regression: through hypnosis, patients are able to remember their their past life memories.

1. Snake Massage Therapy:  the slithering actions of the snakes are supposed to give you that ultimate soothing sensation for your tired and aching body.

... drug and alcohol detoxification, rehabilitation, and treatment in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2011-11-16T18:08:00.001-08:00

nemia de guzman-turla is the host of doctors online, a medical talk show of christian radio station 702 DZAS (AM band). today's interview focused on the management of addiction.

addiction is characterized by the 4 p's:
(1) preoccupation with the substance,
(2) progression (or escalation) of its use,
(3) persistence in using substance despite negative consequences,
(4) poor control at stopping its use.

mainstay components of treatment include:
(1) detoxification
(2) rehabilitation
(3) counseling (individual, couples, family)
(4) lifestyle revision
(5) monitoring/ accountability system.

in my 15 years of managing an addiction recovery center, i've witnessed thousands of individuals overcome their addiction. change is possible for most addicted individuals, and what Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous claims- that "once and addict, always an addict," simply is NOT true!

... personality disorders in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

2011-11-07T00:34:00.000-08:00

today, anna maria, anelie samson, mia tabangcora, gemelyn paz, dgie santos, john carl gerez, sarah sepillo, ar-ar crawford -- all psychology students from new era university, and i had a discussion on personality disorders.

people with personality disorders are stand-outs in a crowd because of their prominent traits. in a way, just like cartoon characters, they are "caricatures" because they have one fixed and exaggerated "style" in dealing with people and situations.

check out the personality disorders below. i'm sure you've encountered people with personality disorders. in fact, before anyone else, first check yourself out. you may have a personality disorder yourself!

o   The distrustful/suspicious type:  Paranoid personality disorder

o   The aloof introvert/loner type:  Schizoid personality disorder

o   The eccentric/odd type:  Schizotypal personality disorder

o   The sociopathic/unlawful type:  Antisocial personality disorder

o   The emotionally intense/unstable/unpredictable type:  Borderline personality disorder

o   The flamboyant/theatrical/seductive type:  Histrionic personality disorder

o   The conceited/egotistical type:  Narcissistic personality disorder

o   The perfectionist/overly-organized type:  Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

o   The extremely shy/socially-inept type:  Avoidant personality disorder

o   The clingy/insecure type:  Dependent personality disorder

o   The inefficient/overly laid-back type:  Passive-aggressive personality disorder

... growth group activity: shadow boxing one's self ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, philippines)

2011-11-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

"beating one's self up" is an idiom which means "being overly critical of one's own flaws, shortcomings, or weaknesses."

first of all, we need to evaluate whether the flaws, shortcomings, or weaknesses we think we have are real, imaginary, or merely exaggerated. and for whatever reason we beat ourselves up, the important thing is to make a plan for overcoming these flaws.

what comes to mind is the well-known poem by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr entitled "The Serenity Prayer." It goes like this:

God grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

this is a beautiful prayer and i hope that it guides and inspires you to live life fully and meaningfully.

up and coming doctors from u.p.college of medicine-- laya zamora, clare toledo, godfrey torres, yen waga, april tagayona, and zie versoza learn life lessons while simultaneously having fun: